o rly?
KTHX! .html
Not too long ago, I looked up at the sky and realised... The government was definately using the military for dispensing dangerous substances into the air, with the intent of sickening and eventually lowering the population by using chemical warfare under the disguise of regular jet contrails.
Don't believe me? You will when you're dead! Hah!
Now most people that are being subjected to chemical warfare would just whine about it, because they suck at life and whine about everything. But not me. I'm awesome at life. And since I'm on the all-star team of the game of life, I went out and did something about it.
I bought myself some protective gear!
While all the idiots are out sucking down unsafe amounts of dangerous airborne particles, I'm enjoying the safe utopia that exists inside my stylish mask.
I bet you wish you had one, now!
Just to make sure I'm completely safe, I decided to become a breatharian.
Living off of oxygen makes me capable of never having to take off my mask. When I need to change filters I simply hold my breath so I don't have to take in any of the filthy air that the poor sick heathens are breathing every day.
Wearing this mask all the time has changed my life in ways, but definately not for the worse. After all, I'm an optimist.
In fact, I was playing baseball in the yard the other day and noticed that the massive swarms of gnats are incapable of gnawing at my eyeballs like they used to. Though, I sometimes get hit in the side of the head while I'm batting due to the loss in peripheral vision. Not that I mind or anything.
Taking showers is a bit on the odd side. Which is fine with me, because now I can't wash my hair anymore. I hated washing my hair.
I didn't even have to dress up for halloween this year. for some reason a lot of people seemed really upset about it and eventually someone called Homeland Security. I had to explain to them why I wear the mask all the time and about how the government is trying to kill everyone
I still got detained for awhile because everyone's paranoid from of all that crap about terrorist attacks... Seems like all the retards that make up the population of this country will believe just about anything.
Oh well, here are some pictures of my life this past couple weeks.
Um... That cat was obviously not right in the head from
all the
chemicals in the air. So I, uh... thought I'd
help it out.
Ehem, anyway. I thought up one of the greatest ideas in history. I'm going to be rich.
